Faux Pas de Melange
by tronik
Summary: Look what Roz's fruit salad mess up did?  Based on Episode "Prexy Proxy".  BTW, I don't own anything.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning:** Compared to what I have seen on this site for Daphne and Niles adult writings this may be a wee bit risqué. Just a heads up but if you like smut, you should be fine….Enjoy!

**Faux Pas de Melange Part 1**

"Well, Since Daphne's getting you relaxed," Niles observed in a more chipper mood than usual as she gave Roz that wonderful neck massage that she had received earlier. "Why don't you join us for a little melange?"

Roz's shoulders stiffened slightly and her eyes flew open in shock as Daphne's fingers continued the magic on her tired neck muscles.

"Uh…What?" She asked weakly, devoid of breath.

"You should, Niles is amazing." Daphne oozed bragging rights as she leaned closer into Roz's neck. The fine hairs stood up on end at the sensitive skin of her neck as her mind wondered in a whole different direction. A direction that she shouldn't even be stepping toes on.

"Unless you have plans?" Niles cut in as he laid his hand on Daphne's back.

"Well, I guess not…but." Roz didn't even know what to say in response to what her friends were asking her. '_This can't be real.'_

"Good, then!" Niles replied as he handed her a bowl of….FRUIT SALAD? "Here you are."

"OH!" Roz gasped in relief and covered her face, laughing in embarrassment. "Fruit salad! Oh my God! I thought you said MENANGE! I was wondering, my god what are they asking me?"

Niles and Daphne burst out laughing as Roz's faux pas, now understanding why all of a sudden Roz became so nervous over what was supposed to be innocent enough.

"Oh Dear." Niles attempted to talk while laughing. "If that's what we wanted don't you think we'd give you more than a fruit salad to get you in the mood?"

"Y'know." Daphne grinned coquettishly at Niles. "She didn't say no.."

"You are right she didn't!" Niles gasped feigning shock, their grins directed at Roz.

"I didn't know what to say." Roz defended herself from seemingly sex depraved individuals. "I was in shock and you put me on the spot here!"

Momentarily the teasing was over but Roz somehow knew that this would haunt her for a little while at least. Knowing these two nutcases they would definitely have a tease for a couple weeks at least. They ate their salads in only a moment of silence before Daphne broke the sound barrier.

"So, have you ever?" Daphne asked curiously.

"A very long time ago." Roz emphasized on the word 'long'. "I was drunk and stupid….and in college. It only happened once and I was a very bad girl."

"What was it like?" Daphne was becoming too curious for her own good.

"Well, I won't lie to you." Roz sighed. "I was drunk so I don't remember most of it. From the stuff I do remember it seems like it was a good time."

"Would you ever do it again?" Daphne pushed on.

"That depends highly on the circumstances."

"Such as?"

"Well, I'd have to be able to trust that it wouldn't be Seattle's news tomorrow." Roz explained. "I'd have to trust the couple not to hurt me in any way shape or form. Respect for my decisions and knowing that I will have it the morning after. There is also no room for jealousy. Of course these feelings would need to go three ways. And I would never have a threesome with my friends because it can ruin relationships."

"Oh," Daphne looked down at her hands almost as though she were disappointed.

"But," Roz smiled as she lifted her friend's face up with her hand. "I'm not against a little girl on girl show for the hubby."

"Really?" Daphne asked with a very sly grin and looked over at Niles. She swore he was going to pass out from the heat of what was unfolding before his very eyes.

Suddenly he was watching Roz lean into his wife's neck dropping a less than innocent kiss there, in an almost dreamlike state. If he knew Daphne well, she was enjoying herself as Roz lingered on that spot just under her earlobe. Roz was languid but made quick work of the skin that was exposed. She worked her way down Daphne's shoulders, moving the robe aside and Daphne leaned in the other woman's touch. Roz craned her neck and then turned Daphne's face to her with the gentle touch of her fingers on her cheek. Daphne gasped in surprise the moment Roz's lips touched hers. It was so very different than a man's kiss. It was softer, smoother and pleasantly sweet.

Niles watched the two women in shock, his mouth agape at his wife who was so arduously kissing his brother's friend, a woman. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to be jealous of that but oddly enough, he wasn't at all. Roz and her filthy little mind were right. He was so damned turned on he couldn't sit still in his chair for long. Roz being the hellish creature she was sensed this as he caught her grinning at him like a mad woman.

"This creates some interesting sensations." Roz stated. "Doesn't it, Niles?"

"How?" He croaked.

"Stuff like this hardwired in a man's brain." Roz explained as she tugged Daphne's robe to her waist, exposing her bare breasts. "He may not even realize that it turns him on until you show it to him. At the same time, the risqué taboo turns a woman on to no end."

Just to prove a point, Roz licked a line down Daphne's neck and trailed her soft hands down over her chest. Daphne moaned as she bit the corner of her lip and arched into Roz's touch.

"Look at her, Niles." Roz commanded in a sultry whisper. "She's so turned on right now. If she loves it when you kiss her breasts, she'd be ecstatic if you did it now."

As though he were released from a hypnotic trance, he moved in front of them and his mouth made instant contact with the sensitive skin of Daphne. His hot mouth drew attention from the flesh bared before him. Daphne whimpered when he suckled a sensitive nipple and her finger came up to wind in his fine hair. She was kneading his head rather hard until he felt a series of pushes at his chest.

"Niles.." she called to him,

"Niles."

"NILES!"

Niles gasped as he was jolted awake all of a sudden and he sat up in his bed to see a rather impatient Daphne looking up at him from sleep.

"You were lying on my hair and you wouldn't move." Daphne chuckled at his shock. "It was pulling. I didn't mean to scare you. What's wrong?"

"We need to stop teasing Roz about her menange." Niles admitted defeat. "I'm starting to dream about it."

"Are you now?" Daphne grinned as Niles nodded in confirmation. "I'm afraid a threesome is out because I have no intentions of sharing you. I really am quite possessive and jealous y'know?"

"Oh, we weren't sharing me, my Dear." Niles said in a breathy tone. "I almost feel like its wrong to even enjoy the thought."

"But you shouldn't, Niles." Daphne explained. "We all have those fantasies and they can be good for a sex life. So long as you don't really go out and do it. Sometimes we need a fantasy during sex and they're okay to share with each other. Someday I will show you a thing or two about it. For now, go back to sleep."

Go back to sleep, she says. Easier said than done now that he was rock hard and aroused out of his mind. And what did she mean by, 'I will show you a thing or two..'? Dear God, that's going to leave him thinking for days and going to sleep horny for said number of nights. The vote was unanimous. She was going to kill him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Faux Pas de Melange Part 2**

Dr. Niles Crane had one hell of a trying day if one counts a patient dreadfully afraid of wearing ties and the other patient concerned of spying chipmunks to be a dreadful time. He certainly wasn't quite sure how to convince a paranoid adult male that chipmunks did not have a rightful place in the CIA. He wondered how people could fall to these drastic lengths sometimes but he supposed those were the endless questions that made him and many other psychiatrists filthy rich. Thankfully the day was over and he was going to the Montana where Daphne would most likely be trying to clean an already clean apartment. The woman did get antsy and bored easily when she wasn't working with Martin and Fraiser. Out of habit, she still acted as their housekeeper despite only being a physical therapist. She cleaned from head to toe once she was finished with Martin's exercises. They were appreciative of it and they showed it with great exuberance when she was gone for more than two days.

When Niles walked in the apartment he saw his wife sitting on the sofa in her bathrobe chatting on the phone, from the sounds of it, Roz. She only laughed with mischief when talking to Roz and sometimes it made him paranoid. He wasn't sure what he was in for seeing as Roz loved a good scheme against the Crane brothers. She was a horrible influence on his wife.

"Oh, Niles just came in." Daphne spoke into the receiver. "I'm off now. Bye."

"How was your day, My Love?" Niles asked as he kissed her and put his belongings on the floor before Daphne could get her arms around his waist.

"Boring." She replied as she hauled his blazer off his shoulders and began unbuttoning his white shirt. He was more amused than anything as she rid him of his top. He did grow a bit confused when she moved her hands to pry his belt buckle out of its fastener and pop the button at the top of his slacks.

"Someone's happy to see me." Niles grinned teasingly as her fingers brushed his zipper down.

"Not as happy as you are to see me." Daphne retorted as Niles looked down noticing his growing erection for the first time that evening.

"It really does have a mind of its own, doesn't it?" He asked with a sudden fascination as she laughed at him when his pants and boxers landed on the floor.

"I know you hate it when I walk on the carpet in my shoes." Niles observed himself naked. "Now I have to remove my clothes when I come in? I think you've gone mentally unstable."

"You daft sod!" Daphne giggled in her English accent as her eyes twinkled in merriment and handed him his robe. "Put this on and go clean up."

Niles did just as he was ordered and Daphne grinned after him with dirty ideas swimming around in her head. Yes, he talked to her a few nights ago about a dream of his and her mind spun of indecent thoughts. She wasn't entirely sure what to do with those thoughts or how Niles would respond to them. The only thing she could think of was role play and judging from that silly pirate fiasco he tried for Maris before their marriage went to shambles, he wasn't completely against the idea. For safety she had called Roz, her sage sex advisor. Considering the nature of the dream Niles had she stayed away from mentioning names, only telling her that he had a rather erotic dream about sharing her sexually with another woman. She couldn't exactly fool Roz where that had come from considering the two of them were teasing her all week about a threesome. Roz agreed to help only on the condition that they would shut up about her 'menange' mix up. Daphne did get some really good advice but she knew it was a risk to ask him to play along. In some respects Niles was shy and she hoped that he wouldn't clam up on her.

While he was upstairs Daphne took the time to light some candles and turn on some music, something different than their usual fare. Oddly enough she became used to making love with opera in the background but fared better with the classical sort. This time was not time for shrill voices and Mozart. No, this one was better left to the yearnings of the Spanish guitar and Carlos Santana. He played that thing with a passion akin to fiery sex. Tonight was not for slow and lazy love. She was going to show him to the blazes.

When Niles came trotting down the stairs in his robe he stopped abruptly to listen almost as though his snobby tastes had never allowed him the pleasure of music from the slums of Mexico. He found himself fixated on the foreign sound. At least he didn't look like he hated her choice of music.

"What is that music?" Niles asked a gaze of keen interest. "Its sounds so…..Oooh!"

"Oooh?" Daphne mimicked his expression. "Can't find your words, Genius?"

"Hot." He whispered quite enthused. "It sounds hot."

"That's the idea." She replied as she kissed his lips and pushed him to sit down on the chair. She walked behind him and pulled the robe off his shoulders, massaging them with expert therapist hands. It was certainly nice after a long day at work. Her soft fingers were just lovely on his back…and wherever else she wanted to touch. She kneaded through his tense muscles and he sighed as the stress left him in a sweep of her hands. When she sensed that he was fully relaxed she leaned down by his neck and left a light kiss there. Niles attempted to turn around so he could see her but she stopped him.

"I have a plan to revisit that dream of yours." Daphne whispered into his ear. "It's been on me mind all week, y'know?"

"Oh God!" Niles panicked. "Please tell me Roz isn't here."

"No." She grinned. "But I can call her if you like."

Niles turned around quickly to glare at Daphne disapprovingly. Daphne was very amused at how easy he was to get started even still. He was such as easy one to tease.

"I'm kidding." She laughed but then composed herself. "Since we can't have Roz, I'm going to have to compose you a fantasy with words to give you dirty pictures. You're going to need to wear this."

Niles watched as he saw a black blind fold move close to his face. He allowed her to cover his sights to complete darkness and tie it around to the back of his head. Daphne resumed control of his imagination. He had never given a woman a piece of this control and trust in his life. He sure as hell wouldn't have given it to his first wife. She would have probably fed him nightmares. He gave Daphne everything so it would only make sense for him to give her this as well.

"You're not the only one who's been having dreams." Daphne began the narration. "In my dream, Roz doesn't say no and we damned well didn't say 'melange'. We meant it in a bad way. See, I'm close to Roz in ways that you really can't imagine so it's only natural that I would be at the mercy of her seduction. She knows from the words out of me mouth what I like in terms of sex. She knows the dirty things I want you to do to me and she knows that you turn me on in the most impossible ways. Because of her intimate knowledge of me, she didn't really have to seduce me. I was already so turned on I could have burst into flames. Watching you watching me through smouldering eyes as Roz touched me in ways that you or I would never dream of. I don't know how but I was there starting off without a stitch of clothing on. I couldn't see her to know but she was naked too because I could feel her heavy breasts against me bare back. Through the whole length of me body I could feel her naked skin. So warm and soft."

Niles released a quick rush of air that he was holding in and after that he breathed heavily. She had indeed formed the scene through mere words and was no longer sure they were alone. Anymore realistic and Roz would be right there with them. As an interruption, a break in her words, Daphne walked and kneeled in front of Niles. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him fully on the lips as his hands wondered over her back, goosebumps racing up her spine. She broke the kiss knowing that if she didn't she would never be able to finish this.

"Roz and I are exactly the same height, Niles." Daphne said as a matter of factly. "I know this because the moment she lowered her head she kissed me neck. The spot under me ear when the pulse pounds. God, it feels so good and I tossed me head back with a little sigh. That's when I felt her fingers wrap around me hips. She pulled me back closer as if I couldn't get close enough. Those sure hands passed over me belly that made me nerves twitch in anticipation. It's nothing compared to what my body feels when she brushed the underside of me breasts."

Daphne paused to catch her breath once again and also to ward off her near awkwardness. She chuckled a little to herself almost becoming dreadfully shy all of a sudden. Here she was worried about Niles getting shy. She looked at him and saw him bite his lip and the erection tenting his robe. She couldn't stop now. It looked like Niles was having the time of his life. She wanted to touch him but she was certain that if she did he would never let her finish. She took a shaky breath and continued on.

"They aren't the fullest breasts in the world." Daphne chuckled self-depreciatingly.

"Still beautiful." Niles choked from his reverie not seeing her smile.

"That didn't bother Roz as she cupped them almost perfectly. She slid her fingers over me nipples and they grew hard. She continued to play with them, teasing them, driving me absolutely insane and I do believe I moaned rather loudly."

All the talk about Daphne's breasts made his fingers twitch in a sudden desire to touch them just as dream Roz had. He couldn't see anything but he could bring them forth to his mind.

"Roz couldn't stand behind me for too long so she moved around to kiss me. It was unlike anything, Niles. I know why you like kissing me so much. A woman's lips, they're so soft and malleable. Imagine that softness on me breasts. Ooh, It was simply divine. I remember combing me fingers through her hair as she licked a hot path straight down to me belly button. Oh yes, I moaned then too. A good one. I opened me eyes for a moment and saw you sitting in your chair looking like you were going to jump out of your skin. That's when she walked behind me again to let you see what she was doing. She pulled me close to her front again and her hands were back at me belly drifted down me legs. Her fingers found me clit in an instant and circled 'round and 'round, creating the most wonderful sensations while I just about died in near ecstasy. I wanted more, now."

Daphne was losing herself in the scene as her breathing became heavier and her words were becoming more impassioned. She became almost instantly aroused watching Niles just trying to control himself in his seat, just like in her dream. She had to break off her narrative again to rid herself of the hot robe. She took the chance to remove Niles' robe as well as her fingers grazed his skin in the process. She almost forgot about the belt and then she untied the flimsy knot. The robe fell away from him and she licked her lips predatorily as she gazed at his hardness. She was so tempted to finish it but no, it would be worth it in the end. She was close anyhow. Her itchy fingers had to at least touch and he jumped when she did, startled at the warmth of her fingers. She released a sharp breath and moved to sit on his lap with her legs on either side of him. He moaned the moment he felt her warmth slide over him. She bent down to kiss him quickly as he clasped her thighs trying to hold her still but to no avail. She moved over him teasing them both out of their minds. Niles groaned as he struggled to let her finish.

"I almost came on the spot." Daphne moaned in her seductive English accent and moved along. "She put her fingers inside of me and I was so wet. Could have drowned the entire town of Bath. My God, that angle was wonderful as she moved them inside of me. I tried but I just couldn't stay still so I squirmed in her arms. I was teetering on the edge and it was then that she looked at you. Commanded you to finish me off."

Daphne's hips squirmed on Nile's lap against her own will, his hardness nudging against her warm opening. Her words alone had brought her near orgasm and Niles could feel just how wet she had become. With that blasted music, Daphne's sultry old Manchester accent telling provocative stories as she was so close to allowing him inside of her, was tearing the hell out of his sanity.

"It was then I woke up wishing something awful that you were beside me." Daphne whispered with a moan as she waited. "Niles?"

"Huh?" He finally spoke but not realizing that exact moment what she was asking for. Suddenly the light flickered on as her reached the understanding that she was very much ready. Niles placed his hands on her hips and quickly impaled her forcefully on him.

"Oh God! Niles!" Daphne moaned loudly as her body reacted to the quick sensations of him filling her completely. Sitting still for a few moments to get a feel for it was not possible in any way with the state of mind she was worked into. She didn't really think that Niles would be complaining.

It was then that the strains of Spanish guitar picked up with an intense rhythm that dictated the frantic undulations of her body over his. Niles was quickly seeing the appeal to this music as his body was rushing headlong into release, quicker than he'd hoped. Daphne almost whimpered when he thrust upwards, deeper and harder, hitting those easy to miss spots hoping to get her off before he did.

"N..iles! Oh, God! Don't stop! Aah!" There was the break in her voice as she nearly sobbed feeling the tightness deep within her belly. She needed desperately to hold onto to something so she did. Her sharp nails took hold into the skin of his back as she shook so close to orgasm. She continued the motion of her hips while Niles seemingly thrust into her even harder as if to force the orgasm out of her. It was working rather well. Daphne felt tightness become coiled until every muscle in her body went rigid except for those pulsating around Niles. Her mouth was opened in a silent scream as was as sure as day coming hard. He was done as he felt his release directly after hers. She still came as he emptied himself inside of her. Once they were quite spent they both collapsed on the sofa in each other's arms.

"Can I take this thing off now?" Niles asked the moment he could come around to speak sensible words. She didn't answer him but she reached up to remove the blind fold for him. He was relieved to see her satisfied but sleepy features looking up at him from his chest.

"We should do this again sometime." Daphne sighed perfectly spent.

"Remind me to send Roz a 'Thank you' car." Niles mumbled with a moronic grin plastered across his face.

"You mean 'card'?" Daphne looked at him in confusion.

"No, a spanking brand new sports car."

THE END


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